Hi all, my name's Anna: cis woman, pansexual, Acoustic Engineer. "My patience for things that are 'just jokes' is now reserved for shit that’s, I don’t know, funny." ~ Erin Horakova
misguided ppl who say “humans are evil since we only do good things bc it makes us feel good not bc it makes other ppl feel good” practice an odd form of selective hearing. by ur own admission the internal motivation of humans 2 do good comes from the fact that, well, ppl feel good when instilling good feelings in others….. doesnt sound very evil or selfish to me…. aueaux contraireaux, it sounds almost…. empathethic…… compassionate………….. goodwilled, one could say…………….
It’s a philosophy that says something is only altruistic if it does not benefit the do-er; the idea is that if the action makes you feel good, it benefits you, and is thus not truly altruistic. It doesn’t say that people are evil, but they are not altruistic; the motivations are selfish.
You can think the philosophy is BS (it kinda is) but it’s not some trick question.
idk if y’all americans and that know this, but in Australia instead of snow at christmas we get these lil shiny bugs everywhere and they’re attracted to the christmas lights and we call them christmas beetles
and despite being australian they don’t bite or anything they just crawl around on your hand and it’s such a good and pure feeling and yeah
‘despite being australian’
“We know what your thinking but this does not want to kill you”
radical thought i kno but in 2k19 lets support straight women & bi women in relationships with men and lets not be fucking scum and act like they have it coming to them or something for dating guys
men are not inherently evil or abusive and saying they are delegitimizes the fact that abusive men make fully autonomous choices to treat women (and….everyone lmao) like shit.
men can and should be held to the bare fucking minimum standard “don’t be a fucking trash human” & people who are attracted to men and/or are in relationships with men deserve and should expect to be treated well by their partners.
a woman being abused by her boyfriend or husband is not a fucking…cautionary tale promoting lesbianism. cull victim blaming in lesbian framing of traditional abuse narratives 2k19
i’m tired of “how to help a partner with [x mental illness]” guides that assume that the other partner has no issues of any kind; i want more discussion of how to balance the differing mental health needs of multiple people in a relationship
So my partner and I have been together almost two years, and we both suffer from anxiety, BPD, and a handful of other mental illnesses, and here’s some things that help us out immensely.
communication is key. Tell your partner if you’re having a bad day. Listen when your partner says they’re having a bad day. It’s easier to be careful with someone when you know they’re already having a bad day. I can’t stress this enough - communication is always important in relationships; but it’s doubly so when one or both of you has a mental illness. You have to trust your partner to be able to be honest with you about what they’re feeling and how their illness is affecting them, and you need to be honest with them, too.
ask questions. If your partner is struggling, asking them questions to help you understand how to help them can be good. Remember that ‘I don’t know’ is a valid answer, and it is one that you can also give.
be reminders for each other. It can be super hard to remember to do simple things for yourself; it can be easier to remember to remind your partner to do them. My partner reminds me about medication, food, etc., and I do the same for him - it helps a lot.
use safewords. And I don’t mean in the kinky sense. My partner and I have a series of words that mean different things, because sometimes it can be hard to say ‘I’m swinging’ or ‘I’m having a panic attack’ or ‘this subject is upsetting me for x y z’ reason. It’s easier to say one syllable - ‘swing’ for rapidly cycling emotions, ‘count’ for panic attacks (so one of us can count breaths for the other). We have words that mean ‘drop this subject now’ and words that mean ‘please don’t touch me’. We also have hand signals for days when one or both of us are nonverbal, and we revert to texting on those days.
be willing to give each other space. But don’t necessarily go far. If you need your space, tell your partner; if your partner needs their space, make sure they can still access you.
acknowledge each other’s illness. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Acknowledge that they’re there, acknowledge that sometimes they may come in conflict with each other, and learn how to take a step back when it becomes a problem.
call each other out. If your partner is repeatedly doing things that are detrimental to themselves/your relationship/you, call them on it. Don’t do it in an asshole way - just sit down with them and be like ‘hey, you’ve been doing this thing that is really sucky lately, and it needs to stop.’ Likewise, listen when you’re being called out. It’s really easy to get stuck in shitty loops when your brain is sick, and sometimes you don’t know what you’re doing ‘til someone points it out. This hurts! And it sucks! But it’s part of acknowledging your illnesses. It doesn’t do any good to let bad habits continue, even if there’s a reason they’re happening.
learn to forgive. When you’ve both got brain issues going on, it’s inevitable that people are going to say things they don’t mean, and that is going to hurt. The important thing is being able to recognize when you’ve messed up and apologize sincerely, and accept it when your partner apologizes.
These are just some things that work for us. Add to the list if you can and I hope this helps.
